astralmindscape

So this is my first attempt at haiku, hopefully you enjoy.

Snow is all around
Look at all the white today
Burr it is so cold

I wake up, dazed and confused
I look around and gather my bearings
Lights flicker overhead
All I hear is the low hums of machines
My arms and legs still strapped in
I struggle to free myself
From the reigns which are my oppressor
I step forward and take a look
A darkened corridor stretches in both directions
I start walking away from my prison
Monitors fill the walls, a first-person perspective
Into Hell
I see figures trapped in their own prison
Lifeless, motionless, automatons
Trapped behind the veil of deception
Statues frozen in a state of perpetual agony
As it dawns that the video on the walls is a gateway
Into the torment of their lives
I shout in desparate hopes that someone's there
But my cries go unanswered
Silence saturates the air around me
As I realize that I am alone
I try to free another from their sleep
Alas, my attempts are futile endeavors
No memories, no recollection of this place
Only the flood of lies from my life before

The pain, the sorrow, the joy and tears
Nothing mattered, not my hopes nor fears
The times I've cried, the times I've lied
From the depths of my soul my humanity pried
The ones I've loved, the ones I've lost
Ripped away from me at such a terrible cost

Do I resign back to that sleep of lies?
Go back to that illusory world.
Faith, does it matter any more
Questions of Death, Questions of God
Become meaningless in such absurdity
We're prisoners trapped in that cold, dark cave
Staring at shadows dancing on the wall
Too apathetic to try and sever the reigns
Which keep us as toys and pets
By some twisted master

Doomed to walk alone if I stay here
Doomed to living a lie if I return
I sit there, on that cold dark floor
The gentle glow of the monitors above
As the feeling slowly settles in
That I am trapped.

 

I have always been a bit secluded in my interactions with other people. And as many people on here I've built up a circle of friends on the Net. Perhaps for some of us it is to have an invisible wall there, as a friend had put it. I was always a bit confused about the nature of friends online, or rather, the nature of our identity online. Do we make ourselves to be a different person online because of the separation? Or is it that we're more willing to be open and be ourselves online because a lot of the social stigma that influences real life interactions are absent? I used to think the former, but now the more I think about it the more I realize its that if anything we're not the person we truly are in the daily dealings of life. It is when we actually walk out, talk to people, perhaps make friends outside of the realm of Cyberspace that we wear the masks the most. I think it is online when we begin to tear down those walls, are willing to be more attuned to who we truly are and share that with others.

     The internet is quite a paradox in the regards of social interaction. On one hand I know more people whom I can relate to on an intellectual and spiritual level now then I ever have before thanks to the Internet, but at the same time we're dissociated entities. I don't doubt that the person I'm talking to or writing an e-mail to exists. Obviously they do, but that's without getting into a philosophical discussion as to how we can validate the existence of Minds outside our own (I, for one, know that I exist but I also know other Minds exist outside my own just for a bit of clarification). Anyway, like I said we're dissociated entities. Yes, we each exist in Ourselves but the whole paradigm of relationship with that person, of friendship, takes on a radically new meaning. Lets go on a little bit of a thought experiment for a minute. People who are placed in isolation for extended periods of time will undergo radical psychological and emotional changes, most likely negative in nature. They may invent people to talk to, perhaps develop multiple personality disorder in order to cope with the lack of human interaction. To put it bluntly, being placed in complete isolation for a significant period of time will most likely lead to insanity. How long is this period? Well, I think it depends on the person you're talking to. Now, I don't have any evidence to back up my claim, mostly a very general understanding of the nature of human social interaction, so I'm asking for you to go on a bit of faith with me.

    Now, we've established that human beings need interaction with other human beings in order to be emotionally and psychologically healthy. Now for some, the need for that interaction may be very little, for others, they need tremendous amounts of human interaction in order to be healthy. Nevertheless, we require at least some human interaction and most likely we perceive that as a need for physical human interaction. Perhaps its time with friends or family, or even the few minutes talking to the cashier at a gas station. Now, let us suppose we take a person and place them in complete isolation from any physical contact with other human beings. We've established that any extended periods of time in this sort of environment will lead to psychological and emotional degradation. However, let us give that person an internet connection. The internet-enabled device we give them has no sound, no video, and no microphone. Let us be humane though and allow them free-reign on the internet. Now, they start talking to people online perhaps even start making friends on the Internet. My question that I'm proposing is that whether or not we will see the same extent of psychological damage done to this person, who is in isolation but has an outside connection, as the person in complete isolation. Furthermore, will we see any sort of psychological damage done to the person in isolation who is able to use the internet? Now, I'm assuming this is an adult who has had sufficient time to undergo normal personality development, though I never really studied personality development theory during my undergrad career so I'm not 100% sure.

    Okay, so perhaps that was a bit of a rant. My point being is that while I place great value in the friends I maintain online I sometimes worry about whether or not it is as real as a friendship in real life. I, of course, believe that it is just as good if not better for the exact same reason I first started off with. There is more tearing down of the walls we put up when we are online, and yes, sure, we put up other walls, but I notice a tendency to be a lot more open with people online. Is it because we wear a mask or take on a completely different persona when we are online? Well, maybe that is indeed the case for some people. But for others I think its the complete opposite. Isn't that true for relationships outside of Cyberspace too, though? The conclusion I want to make is that while yes, the internet has resulted in need for a re-examination of human relationships I think if technology continues to grow and evolve we will see more and more of a transformation of what friendship means. At this point in time I'm curious, yet perhaps a bit frightened, at such prospects. We must accept that as technology grows and the influences of technology on our lives grows then so too must culture and our ideas of culture grow.

    If anyone is familiar with academics who study this influence of technology on social interaction I'd love to hear about it and perhaps examine other people's ideas on it.

 

Needed something amusing to beset the last poem :p Enjoy!

Timeless, spaceless, boundless...whoa
A trippy wild ride, that's for sho
Surfing the waves of mindscapes manifest
The sights and sounds, crossing the crest
Everything around us becomes just so sublime
Journeying through the fractal dimensions, a crime?
Outrageous, crazy, you be tripping bro
And so you're not confused I want ya to know
Entheogenesis, consumption of the Divine
Becoming God by eating God, behold the design
Wow, look, reality is tearing at its seems
Blurring the lines between the real and our dreams
So sit, relax, and just take a bite
Let your Unconscious take over without a fight
Archetypes swirling in luscious chromacity
Did it happen? Yes, the ego died, show no pity
But now the veil of time begins to crack
We returned from our trip, now that's wrack
When again will we go on that magic carpet ride?
And return to the place where those absurd worlds hide?

Night descends, silence fills the air
Into that blanket of darkness I gaze
I sit at the edge with only a blank stare
Aspirations torn asunder, I'm lost to a daze
No, this can't be, there has to be more
This path not traveled I begin to walk
A foreign landscape I swear I've traversed before
A victim of Time and in the shadow I hear him stalk
My friend returns, his name is Death
We joke about the days long gone by
Where is everyone, I ask holding my breath
He ignores me as we sing, laugh and cry
I try to look up at the light of the starry sky
Barely penetrating the canopy overhead
Leaves joyfully dance with the Wind nearby
And to their eternal resting place they're led
Behold, a shimmering light beyond those trees
I hopefully dash towards that source of light
Too fast, I trip, falling to my knees
As terror strikes, I'm gripped with fright
Two figures illuminated by that roaring flame
Eros and Thanatos, a grin on each face
They laugh, as if it were a twisted game
I beg, I plea, but they refuse my embrace
Suddenly the flames begin to dissipate
And the two return to the shadow
What's next, I begin to anticipate
As I find myself in a meadow
No direction, no sense of space
Nothingness extends into the horizon
Could I be, I ask, in that cursed place
And with that illumination I begin to wizen

So this is actually a reply to a comment that someone had posted to my entry on "An Ode to Futility". I never intended such a lengthy response, but the result was something that I think best warranted its own blog entry and I think provides a bit more clarity into some of the points I mentioned in that entry that might come off as somewhat obscure or unclear. So, without further ado:

Thank you very much for those kind words, it truly means a lot. I've always had a bit of restraint on my writing and I think it stems from an issue that I argued against in that entry. It is the perception(s) that I, or rather my writing, will give other people. I  notice that on occasion what I write tends to take on a darker atmosphere which is very contradictory to the nature of my person. Its almost a paradox. But, as a result I think that the fear of other peoples' perceptions stifles a lot of what I would otherwise tend to write. Other times its the sheer amount of chaos among all my thoughts and then going through the process of picking one of them to write about. When I do, as with that post, I do tend to write a lot. I become so absorbed in that thought that it really begins to just flow. Albeit it I might get to the point where I just ramble on, and in doing so maybe I am making a new point or then again maybe I am just reiterating an older one. But that actual process of picking a topic to pursue can be quite difficult.

Then again, I never really considered myself much of a writer in the context of what I do for a living, which makes sense when one considers the career path I choose. English, literature, those subjects were never one of my stronger areas during my early schooling. Not that I never appreciated those subjects, quite the contrary. However, I had always pursued the sciences much more faithfully. Now in retrospect I regret that perhaps I didn't choose an alternate path. Which goes back to the one point I made in this post about having known then, growing up, what I know now.

Going to a college which focused very much on the technology and the sciences combined with the fact that my friends back in high school were centered more around the sciences I feel I grew up around an atmosphere of observing more value to studying the sciences. Now I realize how naive I was. While science has made tremendous strides in improving the world around us I believe that a lot of science is dominated by I guess what you would call a very materialistic view. Not materialism, per se, but rather the mindset that seeks an answer without pursuing understanding. There is maybe a lack of creativity, because sadly what motivates a lot of science is not always the desire for understanding but rather what return profit in the long term. This may not be true for all researchers, but those who fund the research I'd say that is most certainly the case. But it is this motivation for profit which has integrated itself so well with our society that I think creates a sort of elitism among those who are engineers, in the sciences, etc... It is because that career path is what is most amply rewarded by the rest of society. However, very few of those individuals go beyond a simple conclusion to their hypothesis to seek a genuine understanding of the phenomena they're researching and so the result to me seems they get so ingrained on a very small subset of the subject they're studying that they fail to look at the bigger picture.

My point being is that the pursuit of human creativity and the understanding of the human condition, beyond merely describing the phenomena we observe, is just as equally important. And while I desire a scientific understanding of the world around us, of reality, and I place value on rationalistic thinking and understanding at the same time I think it needs to be tightly coupled with a humanistic understanding of the world around us, a philosophical snapshot of the very same phenomena. We must pursue the study of the universe from many different angles because each method of observation, whether from a microscope and telescope or through the expression of human creativity is exactly that, a method of observation and subject, I think, to the inherit flaws of perception. To truly understand and I think to truly see the big picture we must not restrict ourselves in any sense, but rather remain open and open-minded and be willing to explore any avenue which may offer enlightenment.

 

Here is a snippet from the NY Daily Times, link to full article below. The point I want to make is that times are bad. No doubt the economy is suffering and we are suffering. However, this proposed budget plan is absolute absurdity. I recall some 232 years ago that there was a certain historical event of some significance that occurred. During this event colonists living in the New World were a bit upset with how they were being treated by their Government. Of the grievances that they had one of them involved taxation without representation. Well, I think we can all safely say we know the result of the crimes the Government committed against the people. We now have this fabulous little country we like to call the United States.

  As I said, yes, times are rough. But this sort of behavior on part of the NY government is not going to make things better. As if we don't already suffer enough from taxes, this sort of specific targeting of products for increased taxes is atrocious. I consider myself fortunate not to live within NY, but I fear this sort of action by state governments is only going to spread in the face of a sagging economy. If it weren't bad enough with the recent Fed rate cut that is going to devastate the dollar, we find good ole' Uncle Sam reaching deeper and deeper into our pockets.

  I hope people are outraged by this, because you should be. The time for corruption, dishonesty, and lies by our so-called elected officials must end. What we are witnessing is the failure of democracy and the failure of capitalism. One must hope that the new administration in January will be able to right some of the wrongs that were perpetuated against the American people. But I grow increasingly skeptical that things are going to get better anytime soon. How much more abuse must we take before we see actual, beneficial reforms in this country?

  To all those suffering from the horrible economy, my thoughts are with you. Now more than ever we must stand united as a people in order to secure for ourselves the future that our forefathers had envisioned when they fought for our independence. Now more than ever we must make our voices heard and demand that our needs be attended to. That the time for exploitation of the American people for the benefit of the rich few has ended, and that a new era of prosperity be ushered in so that faith in Democracy can be restored.

"Gov. David Paterson unveils dire New York State budget that includes new taxes, layoffs and cuts

By KENNETH LOVETT and GLENN BLAIN
DAILY NEWS ALBANY BUREAU.. --> ARTICLE CONTENT START -->

ALBANY- Gov. Paterson's proposed $121 billion budget hits New Yorkers in their iPods - and nickels-and-dimes them in lots of other places, too.

Trying to close a $15.4 billion budget gap, Paterson called for 88 new fees and a host of other taxes, including an "iPod tax" that taxes the sale of downloaded music and other "digitally delivered entertainment services."

"We're going to have to take some extreme measures," Paterson said Tuesday after unveiling the slash-and-burn budget.

The proposal, which needs legislative approval, did not include broad-based income tax increases, but relied on smaller ones to raise $4.1 billion from cash-strapped New Yorkers.

Movie tickets, taxi rides, soda, beer, wine, cigars and massages would be taxed under Paterson's proposal. It also extends sales taxes to cable and satellite TV services and removes the tax exemption for clothes costing less than $110.

"The governor is nickel-and-diming working class families," said Ron Deutsch, executive director of New Yorkers for Fiscal Fairness, an advocacy group.

State Conservative Party Chairman Michael Long warned that reinstating the sales tax on clothing and shoes will drive people to New Jersey, where they will also gas up their cars and pick up their wine, spirits and soda because the prices are less due to lower taxes. "You're sending notice to the people of New York that we really don't want you here," Long said. "The governor proposed flat spending, but why not actually cut the budget before raising taxes and fees?" "

Article continued here

 

  Not quite sure what to write about this morning. I can already see today being an interesting day considering the rather small amount of sleep I've gotten. But, guess no one is to blame but myself. I see a tempest brewing in my mind and now I'm being tossed around without any sense of direction.

  I've been trying to consolidate my thoughts, figure out what exactly is the source of this somewhat odd feeling I've been having lately. Its a mixture of despair, futility, but at the same time some sense of closure and acceptance. I was talking with a friend earlier about it, but it seems to me that more now than ever before I'm beginning to see the futility of everything we know. Our way of life, our society, the minute details which we seem to focus on so much. The relationships we have with people, or rather the lack of relationships we have. In a world that is as connected as ours, where we can talk to anyone anywhere on the planet in seconds it seems we are more alone now than ever before. And it makes me question the efforts I put in trying to be a sociable person. I ask myself, "whats the point?" Its the same old tiresome bullsh*t every time.

  Now, now, please don't let me post make it sound like my spirits are down nor should it bring yours down either. As I said, part of this somewhat foreign feeling is that sense of acceptance. Or perhaps apathy. Personally, I'm really beginning not to care anymore. But its not a resignation from caring, but rather a realization of the transitory nature to it all. Why invest any emotional energy into anything when the returns are probably worse than investing in the stock markets?

   And thus the curse, or at least one of the many curses, of modern society. Its impossible to escape, perhaps the analogy to the Matrix makes more sense in this regard than ever before. I realize now that as much I'm dependent on technology, even a slave to it, the fact remains I really don't belong in this time. How liberating would it be to resign to a life of solitude in nature, away from the vampirism that pervades our culture. Taking a step away from the delusions that people hold about themselves and life in general? Sure, sure, some of you say that option may indeed exist. But unfortunately being naive and not knowing when I was younger what I know now has forced me into a position where such a ship has sailed. Sadly, I don't see that ship returning anytime soon.

   So what is the solution? Well, like I said my intention here is not to come off with a description of a depressing nature to life. Something more akin to living for the moment, living without expectations, and not investing all your energy into hopes and dreams. Not to say that hopes and dreams are useless, but one must maintain a certain sense of realism. Nevertheless, I still believe myself to be an idealist. Only the passing of time will tell what untold treasures and discoveries lie in store. No, no, the future is not bleak. That is one thing I am yet willing to give up. However, lowering the expectations I have of other people is certainly on top of my priorities.

   While I will still adhere to the tenets of philosophical idealism for the time being with the notion that reality is composed of Consciousness and Mind, and that the notion of "I" that I currently maintain is motivated more by the influence of the Ego rather than a declaration of a fundamental truth, I will no longer live for other people. In the end, regardless of the truth of Identity and Being, the reality for me in this present moment is that I can only live for myself. I'm my own God, I dictate my own future, and the only person that I can truly rely on is myself. No, I won't ignore others. I won't be selfish when it comes to truly trying to help others if they are in genuine need. But I certainly will no longer go out of my way for people if I don't expect some sort of reciprocation in return, some sort of acknowledgment from them that I exist. Perhaps other people think themselves to be too good for me. Fair enough, that is their choice. I admit I remain in the dark regarding their situation in life, so maybe it is wrong of me to  judge. Nevertheless, when people wonder why our society is in such a decrepit state remind yourselves of how much lengths we go to isolate ourselves from Others. Once you are aware of that, begin to see how that turns into a vicious cycle that ends up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe, just maybe, then you too will sing an ode to futility.

 

This is from my Facebook/Myspace, I'll try to keep all of them in sync.

First attempt ever at a movie review, so I'll give it my best shot.
From a personal note, the film definitely disturbed me on a few levels
though regardless it was still worth watching for the sheer fact of its
divergence with what we probably commonly come to accept in cinema.
Mind you, we're not talking about a Citizen Kane or A Clockwork Orange
here, don't get me wrong, but nevertheless compared to movies like, oh,
lets say The Dark Knight (:P) it definitely comes out on top.



So what do you get when you combine one, if not the, greatest Occultist
of our times with the writing of Bruce Dickinson, yes, THE Bruce
Dickenson of Iron Maiden? A wild and unforgettable ride that will make
you cry, laugh, and shudder and leave you asking, "what the
.. was that?" Chemical Wedding starts off with a dying
Aleister Crowley after receiving news that L. Ron Hubbard and Jack
Parsons were attempting to perform one of Crowley's rites. I won't give
away spoilers, but needless to say Crowley was not at all pleased with
the news of Hubbard perverting his magick. Fast forward to the late
twentieth century when Dr. Joshua Mathers, a physicist from Cal Tech,
develops a virtual reality suit that will give new life to the rituals
of Aleister Crowley in cyberspace. However, a shy professor who is
enamored with Crowley's work enters the device that Mathers develops
and becomes the reincarnated Crowley. Determined to secure his place in
time Crowley sets forth to perform a ritual that will guarantee his
place and insure his immortality (1). The film portrays Crowley in a
rather sinister light and despite once being hailed as the most wicked
man alive and who considered himself "The Beast", the film greatly
distorts Crowley's personality. The film is questionable, and those who
may be squeamish about the depths of the occult and human sexuality
might want to stay away from this one. From Crowley bringing forth the
Whore of Babylon for his closest confidant to a ritual performed by
Crowley anointing his 12 disciples by giving them wine representing the
Blood and laced with hallucinogenic drugs that ends in a wild orgy,
Chemical Wedding delves in taboo subject matter that rarely finds its
way into cinema but offers a unique though disturbing, distorted
glimpse into the sexual practices of the occult magician. Those who are
interested in the film take heed though that while Crowley was quite a
enigmatic figure, the movie, and I can't stress this enough, does not
always accurately portray the way he actually was. The actor playing
Crowley, Simon Callow, does a wonderful job with his role in the film
and goes to great lengths to capture that sinister aura that Dickenson
and Julian Doyle tried to give to Crowley. All in all, while not the
greatest film I have ever seen Chemical Wedding surely beats out the
vast majority of the junk we find coming out of Hollywood today and
will surely satisfy those fans of horror and those who know and
appreciate the life of Aleister Crowley.



Notes:

 

  So lately I've been doing a full circle and once again renewing my interest in Eastern spirituality. The cosmology of Hinduism, Jainism, and Buddhism has always fascinated and resonated strongly with my own personal views. Contrasted with the typical, exoteric views of the Judeo-Christian traditions the eastern traditions really capture the cosmic scope of our universe and some of the philosophies put forth by these faiths coincide with what science is beginning to uncover. Now, of course, we can examine the esoteric views of all religions and probably derive the same conclusion but sadly I'm still on a path to understanding the perennial wisdom of religion and thus unable to make any solid claim.

  Part of my renewed interest in these "Cosmic Religions" has involved studying more in-depth the modern incarnation of Theosophy which I discussed a little bit in the past. Of course, the concept of theosophy has been around since the dawn of time, simply meaning 'Divine-wisdom' the modern incarnation of Theosophy, put forth by H.P Blavatsky, is influenced heavily by the Eastern traditions. Once again, the cosmic scale of the philosophy is what draws my interest. When we examine these philosophies in conjunction with modern, scientific cosmology we discover that we are but grains of sand in a Cosmic Ocean. Having always been a night owl, I find going out at night and gazing up into the stars my mundane problems seem to melt away leaving only a sense of awe and wonder at the grandeur of our Reality and Universe.

   Whether we discuss Hinduism and Eastern Spirituality, Theosophy, or Science we're bombarded with enormous numbers, orders of magnitude higher than what we could even begin to comprehend and concepts by which we can't begin to grasp, such as 'infinity' and 'infinite in size'. On the other spectrum, descending into the microcosm we're told about the sub-atomic particles, probabilities and chance in which observation causes the reality that we behold. We're confronted with a massive separation between the microcosm and the macrocosm in which we realize that we are but specks of dust blowing in the fractal currents of reality.

    I came across an interesting philosophical concept today, one that I will need to examine more closely. It reminds me of my investigations into fractal cosmologies, another topic which I've yet to delve as deeply into as I would like. David Lewis first perpetuated the notion of what he calls 'Modal Realism', that potential or possible worlds are as equally valid and in fact real as the reality we currently perceive. This concept draws many parallels from Everett's Many-Worlds interpretation and quantum-branching in which every possible outcome of a situation is played out independently rather than one set outcome occurring. Its as if the collapse of the wave-function doesn't create one possibility, but represents a branching of that possibility that exists in parallel with all other outcomes of that particular moment. Extremely fascinating, and dare I say, humbling to think our universe / reality is as complex as that.

    The article I read about this is found here: http://scienceandreligiontoday.blogspot.com/2008/09/how-vast-is-cosmos.html 

    There seems to be many interesting resources out there on Modal Realism as well so as soon as I learn more about it I'll try to point them out or elaborate on the topic.